I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
