He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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