i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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