girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
