I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
