You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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