My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
