Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
