i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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