i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
