that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize