You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
