Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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