you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
