After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
