Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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