3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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