there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
