I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
