How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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