'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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