And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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