im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
