on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
