My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
