I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
