dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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