Actions speak louder than pants.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What a dumb baby whore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
