If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
