no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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