it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
