So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
