I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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