Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
