I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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