Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
