Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
