i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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