I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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