so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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