I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
