it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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