I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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