The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there was a trapeze. enough said
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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