I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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