Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
