Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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