So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
