Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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