am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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