Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
