She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
