I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
