The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
