I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
