So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he puts the penis in happiness.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
