I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
