i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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