It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
