ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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