I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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