I murdered the dance floor call the cops
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
whose parrot is this?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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