maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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