I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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