gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
