I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
