ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
