This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just pynch a tree in the face
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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