I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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