Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
