i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
