just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
