Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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