If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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