first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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