He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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