So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
