K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
