dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
