i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize