I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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