life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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