We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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