Jerry, you need to find god
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
