He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
