My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
