The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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