I want to have your abortion
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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