My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
