i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
