i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
