at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
