Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
