Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
