So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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