I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
